time it takes me to install a light fixture

6 Minutes: Fumbling around in the fuse box trying to figure out which breaker cuts power to the kitchen.

3 Minutes: Fumbling around in the dark because I flipped the wrong breaker.

10 Minutes: Digging through the closet looking for an extension cord to run a light to the kitchen so I can see what I’m working on.

5 Minutes: Emptying out the contents of the light fixture box onto the living room floor.

20 Minutes: Pulling down the old light fixture.

3 Minutes: Yelling at the old light fixture because it won’t come down.

2 Minutes: Yelling at myself because I cut the source wires too close to the junction box, thereby complicating the rest of my evening.

12 Minutes: Staring at the instructions trying to comprehend Figure B(1)-ii

1 Minute: Deciding I can do this without the instructions.

43 Minutes: Trying to wrestle the new fixture into place.

2 Minutes: Realizing I probably should have read the instructions.

5 Minutes: Stripping wires with a razor blade.

15 Minutes: Waiting for my finger to stop bleeding.

2 Minutes: “Oh, I have to drill a hole in the ceiling?”

7 Minutes: Waiting for my cordless drill to charge.

12 Minutes: “Steph? Can you help me for a minute?”

18 Minutes: Arms over head. More wrestling.

3 Minutes: Letting the blood rush back into my arms.

2 Minutes: Steph letting the blood rush back into her arms.

4 Minutes: “Were light-bulbs included in the box?”

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  • Comments (2)
    • Megan Shifrin
    • March 25th, 2010

    This is hilarious…. and so true. I think that we had an extra 7 minutes added in there for flushing the eyes after ceiling debris had fallen into them.

    • timmyp
    • May 4th, 2010

    wow.
    headlamp + wire strippers = a lifetime of easy electrical work. Do I have to come down there?