the great snowboozle of 2011: recap and lessons learned
Nashville, Nashville, Nashville… we need to talk. It snowed an inch and a half here on Wednesday and you flipped out again. You caused mass chaos for an entire city, and I for one spent three hours trying to get home to see my family. I saw some things from you Wednesday evening that I wish I had not seen.
To the man in the black leather jacket on Sidco Dr. who was standing up in the door of your Cadiallac CTS, with your right foot on the accelerator spinning your tires and using your left foot to push your car up a hill while talking on the cell phone: this was not smart. You could have died. Please don’t do things like that. You might have slipped under your car and it could have rolled over your leg. I was in no position to catch you.
To the young girl in the green BMW 3-Series stuck in the middle of an intersection at Thompson Lane on a 45-degree incline. Please don’t take your parent’s car out in the middle of an ice storm. You had no idea what you were doing and you made life miserable for hundreds of commuters. Also, you should not have coaxed all your guy friends to try and push you up a hill while you took to wearing your $400 tires down to the wire mesh. Put the car in park, walk over to Wendy’s and grab a chocolate frosty, and wait out the storm so the rest of us can get home.
Nashville. In the middle of a snow storm, don’t call Domino’s and order pizza for your family. You can make it through one evening cooking for yourself. The poor delivery boy that face planted his car in a ditch on Blackman Road was your fault. He shouldn’t have been out in that stuff. And good grief, Domino’s? Really? Anyone in their right mind knows Papa John’s is the better pie. I hope when you got your pizza it had road salt on it.
Thank you for your time.
Elijah Cash Burns is here and well! Born January 26th in a speeding hurry. Unlikely that this is news to you by now, but in case you need to play catch up…