autumn in five hundred words or more

Autumn does weird things to me. Autumn is the best season of the year, but I find that I’m generally the most dissatisfied with life during these months. Something about the changing colors of the leaves, the coolness in the air, rainy afternoons, darkness coming earlier. It makes me quiet.

Autumn is the season of time slipping away.I find myself listening to highly emotive music during autumn: Sigur Ros, Fionn Regan, The Frames, the new Radiohead album. This music seems to capture everything I feel, but I can’t tell you what those things are. That’s just between me and the song.

It’s raining right now. I’m sitting at a coffeeshop outside of Chicago. Radiohead’s song “Reckoner” sounds like the sun rising.

I wonder if artists ever give thought to the time of year that they release their albums. Music has a season. Well, I should say, that certain types of music remind you of certain seasons of life. Autumn is not the season of pop music. Autumn is for Sigur Ros, Fionn Regan, The Frames, and the new Radiohead album. This is when they should release their album. Matchbox20 should have waited until summer. But labels don’t think about that – they just want to get it out in time for Christmas so that their stock price goes up and shareholders are happy.

Work has difficult recently. With so much music, much of it sounding the same and mediocre, it’s easy to get jaded. Many of these artists are legit, and they mean what they write, but I’m so far removed from all that that it’s often hard to tell the difference. “Can you get me homepage on iTunes?” I don’t know… maybe… can you make your album not suck?

I think I’ll get some coffee.

I’m not sure what I’m passionate about right now. Some days it’s music, some days it’s climbing mountains. Some days it’s theology, and others it’s… well, whatever… I feel mediocre at a lot of things. I hate mediocrity. I have trouble staying focused on things. Time is slipping away with the autumn and I want to keep moving. I do not want to sit in a cubicle anymore.

I’m in Chicago this weekend helping Beau book some gigs with college campuses. I love talking to the college kids, I wish we had more time to do it. That’s hands on music industry right there.

If I could make some of these side businesses profitable I could easily get passionate about that. They don’t seem to want to be profitable right now. I might be stuck in the cubicle for a while.

I think we should move to Montana, live off the land, and climb mountains.

And study theology.

And write music.

Autumn just makes me feel empty. I’m happy that the colors are changing and that the air is cool, but I don’t feel happy. The rain and darkness do not make me feel sad. It’s just quiet and quiet equals empty, and I’d rather not talk about it. It’s good for a drive, across Indiana – long, flat, boring, endless Indiana, with the rain coming down and Radiohead’s song “Reckoner” playing asking the sun to rise.

    • Melissa
    • October 28th, 2007

    i’m very sorry that autumn is equating to all those melancholy feelings. honestly.. i dont think it’s autumn, because from what i know about you, i think you’re a person who absolutely loves everything about autumn. i think it’s nashville. really. coming back here is very interesting. this city doesnt bring out the best in people. which almost seems ironic. but i think it’s true. for me at least, it’s been amazing to see what moving and starting anew can do. i know moving isnt always the answer, and everyone’s lives are different, but maybe sometimes it’s the freedom we need. i feel like moving away allowed me to say i dont like who i was. it wasnt me. so i’m gonna go somewhere else where i can re-become the person i know i am. it’s sunday almost afternoon. i might get to see you and steph soon! otherwise, we all need to save up our nickels and dimes and spend a weekend at the arkansas dude ranch 🙂

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