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It wouldn’t be the 4th of July without a little bit of fireworks, so in true American fashion Steph and I had Justin and Hannah over for a little pre-evening-celebration hamburger cookout. Steph’s brother, Theo and Joey, are staying with us over the next couple weeks, so we figured we’d go ahead and grill a bunch of hamburgers that they could eat while we’re at work the next couple of days.

So we get the big tub of meat – 4lbs of ground beef. And I’m feeling good that this is going to be a great grilling day… I’ve got my Lawrys, I’ve got my parika, I’ve got my red pepper flakes, and I start making some of the most beautiful hamburger patties I’ve ever seen. Got about 14 of them ready to go, fire up the grill, let it warm up for a bit, and then start just stacking on the most wonderful array of meat ever to lay across a 4th of July grill.

Things are going well. I step inside for a bit to talk and…..

* disaster strikes *

Something happened in the 30 seconds I was in the kitchen, because when I looked out the back porch window moments later, my entire grill was engulfed in smoke. The porch area is filling up quickly with toxic fumes, so I run outside, grab the lid of the grill and throw it open. Flames are spewing forth like a flamethrower. Helplessly I grab my BBQ utensils and start shoving meat around. Smoke has clouded up the porch door now – my family and friends are peering out in stark horror. Even the cat is unsettled. I truly don’t know what I’m doing at this point – something has gone terribly wrong. I do the only thing I can think of and start turning off burners. This doesn’t help. The entire inside of the grill is on fire and every time I touch meat more grease drips off and sets off a new wave of smoke, flames, and chaos. I pull Justin outside with me… not because he can necessarily help, but because I want to be in this together with someone, and when the girls start ridiculing me later and I need him on my side.

I start moving burgers around, stacking them on top of the other, sacrificing the bottom burgers to the raging inferno to give the other burgers a chance. There are no grill burners on now – I’ve got a perpetual conflagration of grease that is going to burn these things to a crisp. Somehow I finally get to the point where I am managing mass chaos and get a system going where I am cycling all the burgers through a warm area of the grill to cook while the rest of the fire burns down. Before each one goes through I have to use the sharp edge of my spatula to chip off charred cow in an attempt to get a decently even cooking experience.

Drama I tell you, drama.

The majority of the burgers turned out fine, save two that ended up looking like charcoal lumps that I literally had to pry away from the grill. Happy 4th of July.

Stephanie and I went to an artisan festival on Sunday – hundreds of painters, potters, photographers, etc. The highlight for me was a photographer named Jack Stoddart. This guy is as old school as they come. Serious about his art and his method. Jack’s from the Plateau region of Tennessee, east of Nashville, about halfway to Knoxville. Together he and his wife moved to the area about 35 years ago with the intention of creating a “black and white silver gelatin historical documentation” of the area. The silver gelatin process, which I don’t fully understand yet, is a dying art… so much so that the last remaining manufacturer who provided the developing paper needed to reproduce the images recently went out of business, effectively putting Jack out of business. But I won’t pretend to speak with authority on things I know nothing about….

Jack’s pictures speak for themselves. His vintage method of capturing and re-producing life is striking, and as a result of this developing process you are left with an image that reminds you of the worn oval pictures of your great-great-great-grandparents, hanging on your relatives hallway walls. The silver-gelatin and washing process leaves the picture with this aged and rugged feeling, as though you can feel years through the picture itself, yet the photograph jumps out at you with such a vibrancy and life that it just captivates your attention.

Recently Jack has been honored for his work by being accepted into several museums, not the least of which is the Museum Of American History at the Smithsonian. If you have an appreciation for film photography, check out Jack’s online gallery. The resolution online isn’t the best and doesn’t do the film justice, but you may get the general impression:

Online Gallery: jackstoddart.com

Was happy to see Bear Grylls featured on the Today show this morning – got to catch a glimpse of the new season and him crossing an Icelandic river at 40 degrees below 0 or something ridiculous like that. They should have had Matt Lauer interview him though… should not have prissy Meredith conversing with Bear… “oh my gosh, is that a worm you’re eating!?!? eww!!!!”

So Steph and I were laying in bed last night (don’t worry, this is a graphic as it gets), and she says to me, “Of all the blogs and myspace pages out there, I can’t believe no one has ranted about this yet… why are beds so short!?” And she has brought up a fine point. 1) We’re poor, so we have a full size bed; 2) I’m tall and my feet hang off the end of it; 3) No one has ranted about this before on a blog, so I shall today.

So what the crap? What is it with full size beds and them being so short? It’s not just a tall person problem – Steph doesn’t like having her head scrunched up against the top of the bed, so she sleeps down a ways as well, and her feet dangle too. I think they’re making a bad assumption if they think that tall people and non-head-scrunchers are the only ones that sleep in queen and king size beds. Respect the financially burdened and monetarily squeezed!! We need a bed just like the rest of America, and if we are to be productive in life and earn the money we need to make our eventual bed upgrade, we need to have a good night’s rest!! We cannot go through our nights with our feet dangling off the end of the bed while every day the trials of the world dangle our very lives before us!! This is a call to rise up! This is a call to support those who are forced to sleep diagonally each night while their wive’s are pushed closer and closer to that dangerous edge! This is a call to wake up for the sleep we all deserve!!!

Call your senator and voice your support for the “Longer Beds For Taller People (and shorter people who want longer beds too)” bill being brought before Congress this week.


Today you should listen to:
Travis “Under The Moonlight“

So I was talking to a friend of mine from Louisiana a while back who revealed some interesting state trivia to me… If you’re from any of the states mentioned below and did in fact know this already… just let me have my fun:

If you study carefully the map provided to the right you will find a kind baker who has prepared a tasty treat for our national consumption. The state of Iowa provides the baker’s head, with his nose at the far right side. His body is provided by Missouri and Arkansas, his boots by Louisiana, and his baker’s cap by Minnesota. He holds in his hands a pie – the tin which is Tennessee and the overflow of scrumptious filling which is Kentucky

Kinda lame, I know… I didn’t want to have to require thinking today.


Today you should listen to:
Aqualung “Garden Of Love”
* This is, in general, a fantastic album by the way…

A week after returning from the fantastic state of Colorado, it’s time for a quick blog update. There’s no way to sum up even a short trip to Colorado concisely and effectively… here are some highlights:

It’s impossible to quickly find a place to eat in Denver from the interstate, especially if you’re starving. It took us 30 minutes, but we happened upon this little joint called Rico’s Pizzeria… little hole-in-the-wall shop, family owned by Italians, seating for 12, best calzone I’ve ever eaten. I don’t even know how we got there. But I’m going back next time I’m in the area. www.ricos-pizzeria.com.

If you intend to spend any time in the mountains, spend the extra dollars and get the upgrade to a Jeep (or similar 4WD vehicle). Originally we planned on getting a mid-size car, but then they ran out of mid-size cars and were about to stick us with a minivan… (I don’t know, don’t ask). We weren’t about to be caught dead in a minivan. Get the Jeep, it was an amazingly wise choice.

We love the mountains, so immediately upon arriving (and consuming a calzone), we headed straight into the mountains. Random advice nugget #2 – get the backroads atlas, and use it diligently. Never take the interstates up into the mountains, because that is for boring old people and families in minivans. If you’ve done like I’ve recommended and gotten the Jeep it will be no problem. We went up Jarre Canyon Road, west out of Denver into the front range of mountains between Colorado Springs and Denver. It was snowing. It was exciting. Minivans had to turn back.

Wives appreciate sentimental things, so we stayed in the mountain lodge where we spent our honeymoon. It was very nice, and made us think, “wow, we should run a lodge up in the mountains someday”. Wives also appreciate bathrooms with big huge whirlpool bathtubs.

When looking for something to do, grab your trusty backroad atlas, randomly pick a spot somewhere off the beaten path, and try to find it. You’ll need the 4WD you rented.

Pikes Peak… I’m not very happy with you Pikes Peak. I understand that it snowed 8 inches on top of your mountain and that for safety reasons you had to close down your road for those who unwisely chose to visit you from the comfort of their suburban housewife approved minivans. But come on – we have a Jeep!! Sadness. We went halfway up but were forced by rangers with guns to turn around.

The reason we went to Colorado in the first place was because we went to Sara’s wedding. It was a very nice wedding Sara – thank you for inviting us! We’re very happy for you.

Colorado weekend a success. Points to remember: Rent a Jeep. Buy a road atlas. Stop at Rico’s Pizzeria.